OK...Gotta get this one in tonight, cause it was too freakin funny. I don't want to forget it. So, I am on POF...and I get messaged by 'HATCHEYMAN 21". Nice name. He wants to meet me! Woo hoo. Only God knows whats gonna show up. But, you know me, I'm such a daredevil..I'm goin in. I open the message and there he was in all his glory. A Chinese man...Ho Chi Mihn. OMG..whats this dude thinking? I mean really. I'm 5'6 buxom blonde white woman. You-5' yellow man with little noodle and 2 dumplings. Really, I mean Really!!!!
Believe me, I love Chinese food, and the Asian culture is awesome. I just aint into gettin wok'd by some little mushroom! Jeez Louise.
So, you see where I'm goin with this? Why cant we find a nice man? Where are they? I'm not talking about looks either. I certainly am not. Its more of a feeling. Grabbing my hand when we cross the street with his manly rough hands...laughing at my cornball jokes....really looking into my eyes and actually making a connection. Oh, and one more thing. i LOVE a nice chest. Hey I have one, you should too.
I love just nestling my head on your chest and inhaling your manliness...Now thats what I'm talking about. I just dont want no EGG ROLLS!!!!
Friday, May 25, 2012
Hi again:)
Well tonight I think I'm feeling a little mushy. Yup, mushy. I guess i should let y'all know that I really am not the she devil man hating bitch that I sound like, lol...au contraire! I really like, no love men. Had one for a father, and grandfather, and uncle, and son. They rock! I am in awe of them. Guess the problem is I just dont fucking get it! I think I understand them, and then, BAM, no comprendo...at all.
Here's where my problem starts......we meet, we date, its good(isn't it)??? We are seeing each other quite frequently. You seem so happy to be with me. Your face lights up when you see me. Am I feeling this or making it up? Do I dare ask you? NOoooooo. That might be too pushy, too needy, too fucking real for you!. Are you with me? Do you see where I'm coming from? Let me embellish.
First let me tell you what I feel. I feel warmth, protection, sex, happiness, laughter, liberation, abandon, giggles,depth. I'm feeling this from you, sweety. We are at that point where we both decide its time...time for all the walls to COME tumbling down, and I do mean down. We are hungry for each other....its good, real good. Its good twice. OK baby, its "amazing"...you tell me. You never felt like this. You hold my face in your hands and look into my eyes, down into my soul, and say those words to me. My toes are curling, I can't stop smiling...I like you. Yes, I really do. You like me too. You told me so. We lie in each others arms smiling, kissing, all tangled up in skin. We never want to get up. The magic word here is WE. Not just ME...WE. Get the picture?
You leave, I walk you to the car...we're wrapped around each other still damp with each others sex. Bye! Talk to ya! See ya! Walking back to my house, I have such a sinking feeling in my heart. I must be soooo messed up. Whats wrong with me? Stop. Call Loren, she'll figure it out. So, here I go calling the bff. She quells my fears, and tells me to stop. He'll call you tomorrow, get to bed. OK. Tomorrow comes, so does the next day. My heart hurts:( OMG..are you kidding me? This is where I loose it. Someone explain to me what the fuck happened? Wasn't the first date, we waited for some time, enough time. Got to know each other, went out, met the family.....
So this, my friends is my question....mainly directed to you guys. Whats going on? I am not the only one here feeling like this. I have friends, lots of em, feeling the same way..Every shape, color and nationality. So it cant be that!
Well tonight I think I'm feeling a little mushy. Yup, mushy. I guess i should let y'all know that I really am not the she devil man hating bitch that I sound like, lol...au contraire! I really like, no love men. Had one for a father, and grandfather, and uncle, and son. They rock! I am in awe of them. Guess the problem is I just dont fucking get it! I think I understand them, and then, BAM, no comprendo...at all.
Here's where my problem starts......we meet, we date, its good(isn't it)??? We are seeing each other quite frequently. You seem so happy to be with me. Your face lights up when you see me. Am I feeling this or making it up? Do I dare ask you? NOoooooo. That might be too pushy, too needy, too fucking real for you!. Are you with me? Do you see where I'm coming from? Let me embellish.
First let me tell you what I feel. I feel warmth, protection, sex, happiness, laughter, liberation, abandon, giggles,depth. I'm feeling this from you, sweety. We are at that point where we both decide its time...time for all the walls to COME tumbling down, and I do mean down. We are hungry for each other....its good, real good. Its good twice. OK baby, its "amazing"...you tell me. You never felt like this. You hold my face in your hands and look into my eyes, down into my soul, and say those words to me. My toes are curling, I can't stop smiling...I like you. Yes, I really do. You like me too. You told me so. We lie in each others arms smiling, kissing, all tangled up in skin. We never want to get up. The magic word here is WE. Not just ME...WE. Get the picture?
You leave, I walk you to the car...we're wrapped around each other still damp with each others sex. Bye! Talk to ya! See ya! Walking back to my house, I have such a sinking feeling in my heart. I must be soooo messed up. Whats wrong with me? Stop. Call Loren, she'll figure it out. So, here I go calling the bff. She quells my fears, and tells me to stop. He'll call you tomorrow, get to bed. OK. Tomorrow comes, so does the next day. My heart hurts:( OMG..are you kidding me? This is where I loose it. Someone explain to me what the fuck happened? Wasn't the first date, we waited for some time, enough time. Got to know each other, went out, met the family.....
So this, my friends is my question....mainly directed to you guys. Whats going on? I am not the only one here feeling like this. I have friends, lots of em, feeling the same way..Every shape, color and nationality. So it cant be that!
Thursday, May 24, 2012
chapter 3.."MR. SIX.....FLAGS"
OK..so, I get the message on POF....6 flags wants to meet you. I ignore it, cause I'm over it this week. I get the alert, he left me a message. Shit! i always answer, cause you never know, lol. Still hoping after all these months.
So, we text, do the phone call, cause 6 flags doesn't want to waste no time. O, wow, this is a good sign. HA!..Lets meet for dinner, but he has to take the train , cause, well I don't even remember why. I pick him up at the train station, and as he walks toward the car, I'm thinking, ok, he's not too bad, but he is walking kinda fast!!! Like really, but I dont pay it no mind.
We have dinner, he's nice, clean, all his teeth, nails clean, nice manners...this is alright. Now, I'm starting to get antsy...I want out. My ass fell asleep we were sitting so long. Me listening to his adventures. Yawning behind my smile, and ass still numb, starting to move into my legs. God, please let the restaurant close. Amen.
We finally leave to take him back to the train. We sit waiting, and he suddenly pulls my head into a head lock and proceeds to nearly break my front teeth with a "kiss". Wow! Please 6 flags, relax! Train whistle blows...YES!!!! gotta go...train is here. 6 flags proceeds to get out of the car, and start running for the train. But not a normal run. A full out sprint with arms flailing and legs all awkward and up in the air..OMG, I had to turn away...the theme song from six flags is playing in my head!!! Cause he not only looks like him, but now he's doing the six flags dance as hes running. Wish I could play you the song, cause you really would enjoy the visual!
Wonder who's next....could it be LOVE EM AND LEAVE EM CHAZ????
So, we text, do the phone call, cause 6 flags doesn't want to waste no time. O, wow, this is a good sign. HA!..Lets meet for dinner, but he has to take the train , cause, well I don't even remember why. I pick him up at the train station, and as he walks toward the car, I'm thinking, ok, he's not too bad, but he is walking kinda fast!!! Like really, but I dont pay it no mind.
We have dinner, he's nice, clean, all his teeth, nails clean, nice manners...this is alright. Now, I'm starting to get antsy...I want out. My ass fell asleep we were sitting so long. Me listening to his adventures. Yawning behind my smile, and ass still numb, starting to move into my legs. God, please let the restaurant close. Amen.
We finally leave to take him back to the train. We sit waiting, and he suddenly pulls my head into a head lock and proceeds to nearly break my front teeth with a "kiss". Wow! Please 6 flags, relax! Train whistle blows...YES!!!! gotta go...train is here. 6 flags proceeds to get out of the car, and start running for the train. But not a normal run. A full out sprint with arms flailing and legs all awkward and up in the air..OMG, I had to turn away...the theme song from six flags is playing in my head!!! Cause he not only looks like him, but now he's doing the six flags dance as hes running. Wish I could play you the song, cause you really would enjoy the visual!
Wonder who's next....could it be LOVE EM AND LEAVE EM CHAZ????
next chapter
So, I sit here pondering why? Why is it these guys who go on these websites act the way they do..Its a unanimous vote on the bad behaviour, not just a few gals opinions. You're out on a date, after the frigin email, the bullshit!!! "You're gorgeous," " I love your profile", nonsense. So you think, "Wow, he must think I'm something"...No, he doesn't think that. He wants a piece of ass. Thats what he's thinking. Is he thinking? Does he care? No, to all of the above. Alright, I will admit there are exceptions to every rule. We will discuss that later. For now, its the rule of the dating sites,not the exceptions.
So, you go out, dinner, a drink, blah, blah, fucking blah. The whole time he's talking, you're thinking....hmmm, his mouth kinda looks like the grinch, oh, but his eyes aren't crossed..thats good! OMG, his nails are....are his nails dirty??? That watch, must be 10 years old..Jesus, when were his teeth cleaned last???
But still, we give this asshole a chance! Why????? He is so below your standard. If he were getting a restaurant grade he'd be an X. Well, he's nice, and he did treat me to dinner! OK, well, I understand that, I truly do. Been there, done that...got the fucking tee shirt.
I actually watched a guys nose hair go in and out with every breath he took for 4 hours while he talkied about his bullshit job, that was so boring, I thought I would stab myself with the fork to end my misery. And then, to add insult to injury...he doesn't call me the next day, or EVER , for that matter. OMG! are you kidding me??? Here i am, showing up in a Black Dior Silk dress, stockings, black heels, makeup by YSL, smelling like amber and roses, and you and your frigin tornado swirling nose hair doesn't call me after the date...I CANT!!!!
So, you go out, dinner, a drink, blah, blah, fucking blah. The whole time he's talking, you're thinking....hmmm, his mouth kinda looks like the grinch, oh, but his eyes aren't crossed..thats good! OMG, his nails are....are his nails dirty??? That watch, must be 10 years old..Jesus, when were his teeth cleaned last???
But still, we give this asshole a chance! Why????? He is so below your standard. If he were getting a restaurant grade he'd be an X. Well, he's nice, and he did treat me to dinner! OK, well, I understand that, I truly do. Been there, done that...got the fucking tee shirt.
I actually watched a guys nose hair go in and out with every breath he took for 4 hours while he talkied about his bullshit job, that was so boring, I thought I would stab myself with the fork to end my misery. And then, to add insult to injury...he doesn't call me the next day, or EVER , for that matter. OMG! are you kidding me??? Here i am, showing up in a Black Dior Silk dress, stockings, black heels, makeup by YSL, smelling like amber and roses, and you and your frigin tornado swirling nose hair doesn't call me after the date...I CANT!!!!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Ok, so here goes...Let me ask you a question? You're gorgeous, yes you are...and I mean this. Your mother told you so, so did your Aunt Eleanor. She said you look like Gina Lolabrigida. When you get up in the morning, do your thing, put your makeup on, you're having a great hair day...You know what, you do look like her.
All your friends are miserable cause they got no man!!!! Why? Well, lets save that discussion for like.....never. Who cares. We only care about us. So, here we go. Sign up for the dating site. POF, match, e harmony..you choose. We take 4,000 pictures, we get the hair and makeup done, we pose, we smile, we pucker up, we squeeze our boobs together, we do more than a frigin Victorias Secret model does at a photo shoot. Get the girlfriend, upload the pictures, photshop, redo, scream, smile, and finally decide on the 3 most beautiful pictures this side of a Renoir painting.
OK...we post the pictures..OMG...and wait...and wait...
Cell phone alert..3 new messages from POF...Barney Two shoes wants to meet you...Charlestrashface has added you as a favorite!!!!
VinnytheGreek says Hi...Oh My God, someone likes me:)
All your friends are miserable cause they got no man!!!! Why? Well, lets save that discussion for like.....never. Who cares. We only care about us. So, here we go. Sign up for the dating site. POF, match, e harmony..you choose. We take 4,000 pictures, we get the hair and makeup done, we pose, we smile, we pucker up, we squeeze our boobs together, we do more than a frigin Victorias Secret model does at a photo shoot. Get the girlfriend, upload the pictures, photshop, redo, scream, smile, and finally decide on the 3 most beautiful pictures this side of a Renoir painting.
OK...we post the pictures..OMG...and wait...and wait...
Cell phone alert..3 new messages from POF...Barney Two shoes wants to meet you...Charlestrashface has added you as a favorite!!!!
VinnytheGreek says Hi...Oh My God, someone likes me:)
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